I’m philosophically a fan of the miracle of life, so long as none of those miracles have my DNA. But when you’re in your mid-thirties, living with your bankrupt parents in a house that’s foreclosing, and already the mother of six, I don’t think it’s right to undergo some quack fertility treatment to put eight more critters in your five-star womb.

Nadya Suleman (aka The OctoMom) gave birth to eight whipper-snappers, endangering their lives (and the childhood of her other six children) in the process. The lucky baby-daddy is a guy Nadya dated for three years before upgrading him from potential-boyfriend to lifelong-sperm-donor. The doctor who put almost an entire baseball team worth of kids inside of this lady’s dugout-vagina is now being investigated by medical ethicists.

This is crazy, top to bottom!

Now, Nadya’s hamming it up with a publicist. Wait. Scratch that. Her publicist dropped her because of all the negative attention (i.e. death threats) that she was attracting. Since giving birth, Nadya has gone on The Today Show, where she tried to explain herself but only managed to make things worse. Apparently, she wants to be a “baby expert” on TV or a professional counselor (for which she’s getting her master’s degree), but she also wouldn’t mind taking your charity. She’s accepting donations.

This woman is crazy.

There’s also the Angelina rumor - that Nadya got plastic surgery to look more like her alleged idol and mom-extraordinaire, Angelina Jolie. Don’t know if that’s true, but their resemblance is eerie.

So let’s say you have a website. Maybe it’s one that gives advice to girls and you call it something like GirlsGuideto.com (Of course this is purely hypothetical). Now this is a site where girls come to get advice on any topic, from Love and Sex to Career Advice. And if you had a website like this, you’d want to give girls “real truth” about what to expect and give them the best advice possible.

So I thought, that as a spinoff of Women Be Trippin, I’d balance myself out by trying to be helpful to women and give them advice. It was a great idea, until I realized that GirlsGuideTo.com already existed! OMG LOL! But to my surprise they had the exact idea I had in mind. Except, this website is a piece of shit.

Their advice is hardly beneficial and not even well-written. This one comes from dieting advice:

“…After a few days of extremely restricting your food, you’ll probably become more depressed and anxious…”

Or how about these 3 New Year’s resolutions:

“Drink more water. Wash makeup off at night. Find Mr. Right.”

Oh! Great ones, guys. You did a bad job of finding mr. right last year. You should make an even more desperate attempt to find him. The site is not all terrible, but to find really great advice, it takes a little digging. If girls are writing this thinking they are helping to be more positive role models, that’s too bad. Or maybe it just doesn’t live up to what I would’ve wanted my site to be.

I’ve discovered that only two things are infinite:

A 107-year-old Chinese woman has decided she’s finally ready to get hitched. She stayed away from the institution because she was always afraid of it.

Where does this woman expect to find a mate? Is there a centenarian dating web site that she can go to (assuming the Chinese government will allow it)? Are there singles’ parties for people born at the dawn of the twentieth century?

If it’s any consolation, this lady should probably call David Gest - the nutjob who married (and divorced) Liza Minnelli. He’s fifty-two years younger than this lady, but if the price was right, he’d probably consider it.

As a lifelong innocent bystander of PMS, I’m just as interested in a cure as everyone else on this hemophobic planet. Nikki at the Give Me Space blog seems to have found the remedy:

Megan Fox is superhott. She’s in a class of her own. She scores an illustrious 11/11 on the Hot-Crazy Scale.

You can imagine my wondered bemusement when I saw this red carpet interview before the Golden Globes, in which she re-defines the concept of insecure. I’m sure that with this single interview, Megan Fox has demoralized an entire generation of young girls, who now believe that they’ll never achieve Megan Fox levels of hotness or skinniness - two characteristics that she seems to take for granted and even loathes.

Dear Girl with the Short Skirt and Low-Cut Top,

Don’t expect me not to look.

Don’t make it my fault for checking to see that your boobs are still held up by your ever-plunging neckline.

Don’t slap me or call me a pig for noticing the things that you are making so apparent to everyone (including me.)  Sure, it’s my dumb fault for getting caught doing it, but when you’re dressed like that, I can’t be the only one looking.

So I’m sorry. Sorry for getting caught, not really for looking. But in the future, it’s not my fault when you’re wearing that. So either expect it, don’t wear it, or don’t get mad.

(Sidenote, if you weigh more than 10 times your age, you shouldn’t be wearing tube tops, short skirts or anything like that. Stick to what works, unless your fashion role models appear daily on Jerry Springer)

Sincerely,

Jake, WBT

Sometimes I think that the only difference between Oprah and Tyra is the tenor of their craziness. In a recent show, Oprah went all ga-ga for Kate Winslet’s breasts, admiring them for being real and on display in The Reader. Now, if someone like Larry King did this, going on and on about how magnificent Kate’s mammaries are, then the womenfolk would be up in arms. But because the praise came from the Queen of the Soccer-Moms, no one seems to have a problem with it.

Update: The last video was taken down, so we replaced it. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

Joanna Pearson recounts in the New York Times how her Googlosity killed any chances of ever getting a second date with a guy who could’ve been the man of her dreams. She met this guy in a bar, and, in addition to drinking socially, they found out that they had other things in common, too. Both went to college and both enjoyed running.

Then Joanna went home and Google-searched him. She was horrified to discover this guy’s record-setting mile time, then - defying every rational instinct - dug further to discover where he went to college and business school, what his GPA was, and even what his sister’s name was.

Then, on their pivotal first official date, Joanne confused the information that he told her with the info that she already knew. So, with one slip, she went from being a promising date to a creepy Google stalker.

Way to go, Joanna.

The moral of the story: Google + Curious Single Woman = Spinster.

Women Be Trippin everywhere and all the time about every goddamn thing they get their hands on. We know why women be trippin, so here’s the next chapter in our list of 101 Ways Women Be Trippin.

More than anything, I hate people who do things only for attention. I’ll admit that I’m a little bit quieter than some people, and I’ll also admit that with a drink or two in me, I’ve done things for attention. But all in the name of fun. As a guy, what I do for attention is nothing compared to the methodical sluttiness of a trainwrecky attention-starved girl.

Top 9 ways Girls Try to Get Attention:

1. Catfights: Sure, guys get in fights, but the prize at the end of a guys’ fight is a girl. The prize at the end of a catfight is a bloody, crying mess.
2. Girl-on-Girl Make-Out: You would never ever (in a million years) see two dudes swapping spit to get a girl’s attention.
3. Dress Like a Slut: It works, but that doesn’t mean I’m calling you back in three days.
4. Girls Gone Wild.
5. Tattoos: A tramp stamp above her crack or an ex’s name on her cleavage or a butterfly on her hip or a star on the back of her neck. Yes. I see it. You’ve got my attention. And now that you do, I think you’re trashy.
6. Self-Pity: Ugh, I feel so fat, Don’t I look ugly, or I hate my hair today, as if some guy is just waiting for the right opportunity to compliment you. Hate to break it to you, but we’re not wired that way. I’m not waiting to compliment you. When I do, it’s because I want to see you naked.
7. Crying for No Reason: Nothing brings conversations to a grinding halt like a waterfall.
8. Sudden Identity Changes: Dying your hair black or wearing more eye makeup or shaving your head.
9. Away Messages/Tweets/Facebook Status. These come in the form of “feeling weird about today” or “can’t sleep” or “terrified to know” or “milk was a bad idea.”

More times than not, girls are just making themselves look sorry, desperate and pathetic.