Women Be Trippin everywhere and all the time about every goddamn thing they get their hands on. We know why women be trippin, so here’s the next chapter in our list of 101 Ways Women Be Trippin.

According to a British survey by News:Lite, 62% of women admit to cyberstalking an ex-love interest, putting them ahead of men in the online creep category. Here are a few ways that women keep tabs on their exes:

Google is the easiest way to stalk someone online. With its thousands of results (i.e. my name nets 3,700 results), Google is a gateway drug. Ex-GFs are inspired by their seeming success on Google, and, pretty soon, they’re moving onto crazier ways of cyberstalking. Or, they’re sharing their stories. Google-stalking has become so vogue that there’s now a site where Google-spies can share their tales.

Myspace was once a hotbed of cyberstalking activity, but it’s quickly become an online graveyard for bands and comedians. The key to Myspace stalking, however, is the comments. I know a girl who used the comments to verify that her ex-boyfriend was seeing other girls despite telling her that he wasn’t. My message for girls like her: He’s your ex-boyfriend. Delete him on Myspace and move on.

Facebook is another trove of activity, because of the access - photos, relationship status, wall posts, mini-feed. Laura Greene of Winona State University has compiled a list, Jeff Foxworthy-style, letting you know the signs of a true Facebook stalker.

Twitter is so stalker-friendly that there are apps like Tweetstalk, making it even easier to zero in on your target. Creepy? Big time.

Email passwords are the linchpin of a serious relationship, and they’re the axle of any ex-relationship. Ex-girlfriends will continue checking their boyfriend’s emails - just to see what’s going on - until they’re rudely surprised with a lascivious email from the new-girlfriend (who may or may not have included a nude shot to sweeten the deal). The solution: change passwords immediately after the break-up.

Spyware, such as Actual Spy, records every keystroke on a computer. Lights out, good night, this is a gold mine for that cyberstalking ex-girlfriend. Congratulations to the girl who’s crazy enough to drop this nuclear bomb. She is trippin at a cataclysmic level.

According to Cosmopolitan, a hysterical woman went to the emergency room with a unique complaint. She’d just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn’t drive home. The plan backfired when they made up, but she couldn’t find the key in her cavernous vagina. The doctor couldn’t find it either, so they concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend’s car.

If this woman’s life were a Looney Tunes cartoon, then her next fight with her boyfriend would take place at the Acme TNT factory. She’d get pissed, light a stick of dynamite, then shove it up her hullaballoo.

Apparently, the old “keys in vagina” trick is nothing new. In England, Jennifer Lowry - mother of two - hid her keys in her crotchpurse to keep from getting arrested for drunk driving - the logic being that without keys, the cops couldn’t prove that she was driving. The cops eventually searched her cavities and found the keys and a map to Jimmy Hoffa’s body.

As a small child, my mother taught me two very important lessons.

And why wouldn’t they? I mean who can resist an over-done fake tan or an over-gelled fauxhawk or an over-tattooed steroid-pumped arm? Everything they do is TOTALLY EXTREME! Douchebags are great at drinking too much. Popping their collar too much. Posing for pictures too much. Tanning too much. Loving women too much. They probably even love the Dave Matthews song “Too Much” too much. Actually, probably not. Dave Matthews is for posers. He’s not EXTREME. Wanna listen to a real band? Check out POD or Linkin Park. Effin aweeeeeesome!

Hot chicks? Kudos on finding such great guys to hang out with.

In this video, a woman totally loses her shit when she finds out that she’s missed her flight. She reverts back to the behavior of a four-year-old, kicking and screaming, literally throwing herself on the ground and crying. Must’ve been an important flight.

Women Be Trippin everywhere and all the time about every goddamn thing they get their hands on. We know why women be trippin, so here’s the next chapter in our list of 101 Ways Women Be Trippin.

When a girl cheats on her boyfriend, he stands in a good position to dump her - cut off all ties, walk away, and never look back. Sure, the accomplice is partly to blame, but the real offender is the girlfriend - the girl you introduced to your parents, the girl who brought you NyQuil when you were sick, the girl who’s seen every mole on your body.

So when the tables are turned, and a guy cheats on his girlfriend with some other girl, right away, the girlfriend goes and blames the “other woman.” Calls her a slut, talks shit behind her back, maybe even physically confronts her. Meanwhile, the boyfriend gets off scot-free. He probably doesn’t even have to go shopping for a new girlfriend. Chances are, his lady forgives him!

This is straight-up crazy.

Blaming the other woman is like blaming the grounds crew after your team loses the big game. I mean, sure, they were there. They had something to do with it, but the real offender is the quarterback who choked (or, in this case, your boyfriend who forgot you existed for two hours while he boned some girl with a smoking body).

Ladies need to take a page out of the Manbook and drop a cheater like a ton of bricks. Instead, they cling to their delusional ideas of romance, which include the girl reforming the guy back into a happy relationship. Ladies, you are neither Lucretia Mott, nor the star of the new Katherine Heigl movie. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, take all that hate-rage and aim it at him, not the chick who found him smooth and charming.

Pregnant women should do what’s in the best interest for their baby, like put on dark sunglasses, dance, and rap about it.

Sandy Paws Pet Grooming Shop is an animal groomer like any other. You take your dog or cat in, drop them off, and a few hours later, they’ve been pet-icured into a more adorable version of themselves. The only difference between Sandy Paws and every other pet groomer is the disturbing designs that they have groomed in the past.

Exhibit A:

That’s a poodle, not a stuffed animal. As a kid, I liked the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but if my eight-year-old self had crossed paths with this dog, I’d sell all my Ninja Turtle toys and forswear dogs forever.Exhibit B:

So I understand the transformation of a poodle into a camel, but is it absolutely necessary that the owner/groomer dress up like an Arabian princess?

For more creepiness, check out the Sandy Paws gallery.

Stormy Daniels - a porn star with absolutely no background in politics - may be running for the U.S. Senate from the state of Louisiana. After responding to a Craigslist ad, Stormy Daniels was recruited by a political action group who is hoping to remind voters of current-Senator Vitter’s scandalous history. (Senator Vitter admitted to soliciting the D.C. Madam.)

This would be one way to bring diversity to the Senate.

Women Be Trippin everywhere and all the time about every goddamn thing they get their hands on. We know why women be trippin, so here’s the next chapter in our list of 101 Ways Women Be Trippin.

A few days ago, my nineteen-year-old sister called me for some dating advice. She wanted to know a way to break up with the guy she’s been dating. His problem: He’s too nice.

Women, by and large, love jerks. If you’re a girl and you’re reading this, you probably think that you’re different - that you’re really searching for a guy with a great sense of humor and a warm sould - but that’s bullshit. Every woman, from my sister to the Catholic nun who ran my elementary school, is looking for a bad boy to fall in love with. (For my sister, it’s a USC running back. For the nun, it’s Bad Boy Jesus.)

In most of the real world, guys are punished for their asshole douchebaggery, but not when it comes to wooing members of the opposite sex. In that regard, jerks are elevated to the highest pedestal.

How many times have you heard a girl say, “I broke up with him because he was too nice. I just lost interest”? Let’s turn the tables for a moment. Let’s simulate a conversation between me and my sister:

Eddie: I think I’m going to break up with my girlfriend.
My Sister: Why?
Eddie: I don’t know. She’s just too nice. I lost interest.
My Sister: Are you fucking insane? Too nice?
Eddie: Yeah.
My Sister: Not because she cheated on you or started fights or was a bitch all the time?
Eddie: No. None of that stuff. Just too nice.
My Sister: Call her right now. Apologize for everything. You’re an idiot.

If a guy dumped a girl for being too nice, then the entire world would chastise him for being so utterly ridiculous. But when a girl does it, it’s business-as-usual. Compounding the issue, single girls complain that there are no nice guys out there anymore. But they did this. They created this problem. By encouraging guys to be assholes, they’ve flooded the market with nice-guys-turned-jerks.