Women Be Trippin everywhere and all the time. Here’s the next chapter in our list of 101 Ways Women Be Trippin.

This is one that I’ve never understood. A girl meets a weird-looking dude on the street. She doesn’t think twice about it. But give that guy a bass guitar and a six-inch stage and he suddenly becomes irresistible.

1) Starfucking.

Starfuckers are attracted to anybody who’s got a stage under their feet and more than three people screaming their name. In fact, a Star’s attractiveness is directly proportional to the size of his fanbase. If he’s the keyboardist for the opening band at a coffeehouse, then he’s mildly attractive. But if he’s the biggest rock star in the whole world (even if that does make him 65 years old), then he’s fucking gorgeous.

What’s amazing is that this doesn’t just hold true for rock stars. Even angry, bitter, unattractive stand-up comics can be the recipients of a good starfucking. I guess all that matters is a stage and a spotlight.

2) Jersey Chasing

Like starfuckers, jersey chasers are only attracted to athletes. It doesn’t matter if he’s Wayne Gretzky or Jack Haley. All she wants is to be able to watch him play on game day and tell all her friends, “That’s the guy.”

The old cliche is that it’s not about the name on the back of the jersey, but the name on the front. Well, for jersey chasers, it’s all about the name on the back of the jersey. They could care less what team he plays for or if he’s any good.

3) “I Just Love a Man in Uniform.”

I’m not disqualifying the sacrifices that men in uniforms have to make, but why does it earn them an automatic fan club? Where does it end? Astronauts? The Coast Guard? Chief Wiggum?

As far as I can tell, there’s no male equivalent for starfuckers. No guy looks at Courtney Love and thinks she’s any hotter just because she was the lead singer of Hole. Nobody finds the Williams sisters more attractive because of their mammoth thighs and seventeen Grand Slams. And girl-firefighters might be some guys’ fantasies, but that fantasy includes hot women, not normal-looking goobers like “Goose” from Top Gun.