From before they enter Kindergarten, girls have a constant need to let the world know how cool they are. It’s what we like to call “Public Exclusivity.” Some do this by being mean and condescending to their sisters. As in, “Omigod, Sarah. You still play with dolls? You are such… a baby.” Some do this by starting secret clubs. (See the Babysitters Club, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants or Suicide Girls gangs.) Some older girls will date guys for status. Examples include Anne Nicole Smith, Holly Madison and, for those of you who went to high school with me, Kelly Dubrow.

But in this age of technology and second-by-second status updates, there are new ways to exhibit public exclusivity. Recent showcases of condescending coolness that have shown up on my newsfeed in the last 24 hours include: “Just got home from finishing in the top 10 in the 5k race”, “Spotted Lauren Conrad at Barneys”, and “Just looked at pictures of myself from Coachella…Epic.”

Another convention of this is the well-known Facebook relationship. OMG, you girls are sooooooo cute. You’re best friends, but you’re married to each other on facebook! A-dorable. And as if that wasn’t enough, why don’t you go ahead and post on each other’s wall about how much you love each other. BFFAEAE. But if you wanted to take it even farther, just start a facebook group about how you’re obsessed with each other.

The point is, nobody wants to hear how cool you are. In fact, the older we all get, the less we want to hear about it. The more you talk about how cool and exclusive you are, the less I believe it. Face it, girls. You can be cool and have a million BFFs, but the world doesn’t need to know.