The world has lost a legend today as we all mourn the death of The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. But with all the attention pointed at the man on stage, I couldn’t help but think about the other side of the show: the fans. Since Elvis and then The Beatles, fans have been screaming until they go hoarse, cheering until they faint and trampling each other at the mere sight of these rockstars and actors. But why?

We’ve discussed the idea of Starfucking already. The girls I’m talking about are not the girls throwing their panties on stage and getting their cleavage signed. Most of these girls don’t even have cleavage. These girls don’t hang out waiting to get backstage for a sexcapade. I’m talking more about the obsessive, bedrooms wallpapered with pictures, crying if he looks at you, my life isn’t complete unless I can meet him Superfans. Teenage girls take fan-dom to a level that is incomprehensible. Superfans spend thousands of dollard to sit in the last row of a Hannah Montana concert. Superfans buy every piece of Jonas Brothers merchandise. Superfans are in the front row of a Michael Jackson concert and touch his hand when he reaches out– only to never wash it again for a year. Superfans cry their eyes dry for Sanjaya.

Superfans need to calm down. These stars don’t even know you exist and the fact that your night, or even worse, your life is made or broken by making eye contact is a little bit pathetic. Chill out. Twilight’s not worth the extremity, nor is Johnny Depp or Zac Efron. Neither are the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana or any other overrated pop star. Elvis and The Beatles, on the other hand…