A half dozen comedians will stand up to breast cancer when they take the stage at Breast Cancer Be Trippin, an evening of comedy to benefit uninsured women in the fight against breast cancer. Breast Cancer Be Trippin will be held Wednesday, February 24th, at the National Comedy Theatre (733 Seward St., Hollywood), home to ComedySportz. BCBT3 begins at 8pm. Tickets are $25.

The evening of comedy includes performances by:

• Cat Davis (Cat on the Prowl)
• Megan Mooney (Comedy Central Presents)
• Whitney Cummings (Chelsea Lately)
• Sarah Silverman (The Sarah Silverman Program)
• Garfunkel & Oates (The Jay Leno Show).
• …and more.

Breast cancer is among the two deadliest cancers for American women. Everyone knows someone who’s been affected by breast cancer – moms, sisters, grandmothers, hair stylists, Christina Applegate. Breast Cancer Be Trippin is designed to get out a critical message and raise awareness among both men and women who might not normally spend time worrying about the disease.

Each day, over 100 American women die from breast cancer. That’s an average of one death every thirteen minutes. Overall, one in eight women in America will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in her lifetime. A leading risk factor for breast cancer is late detection. Women are advised to obtain a mammogram every other year after they reach the age of forty, yet a third of women over forty have not received a mammogram in the last two years.

If breast cancer is detected early enough, the patient has a 98% rate of survival, but unfortunately, almost 40% of breast cancer is not detected until the cancer has spread beyond the localized stage. Access to mammograms will facilitate early detection. However, Los Angeles County, alone, has over one million uninsured women – women who do not have easy access to mammograms – and there are nearly twenty million uninsured women nationally.

It sounds cliché, but in this case, a little really does go a long way. Our hope is that Breast Cancer Be Trippin will give people an immediate return for their donation – in this case, a night of comedy. Over the past two years, Breast Cancer Be Trippin has raised over $1,000 for the American Breast Cancer Foundation. For tickets, visit BreastCancerBeTrippin.com.

Meet Bebe Gloton. Like all the creepy dolls before her, she does her part to mold the soon-to-be imbalanced psyche of a young woman. Bebe Gloton teaches an ever so important prepubescent lesson in breast-feeding.

I don’t really know why any mother in her right mind would think this an appropriate doll for her child. I guess it makes sense in a world where mothers get their children breast implants as a graduation gift. Here is a demonstration of this X-mas season’s must-have.

I really don’t know what to make of this story.

The interwebs have been on fire with rumors that Katy Perry (yeah, that Katy Perry) is dating Josh Groban (the easy listening heartthrob who makes middle-aged women swoon).

Katy Perry did her best to turn the wheels of the rumor mill by getting Groban’s name temporarily tattooed on her right breast… Except she spelled his name wrong. She spelled it with an i instead of an a.

Is that an understandable error on her part? Is her tattoo artist Juliette Lewis from The Other Sister? Or is this joke so meta that only Katy Perry and Andy Kaufman get it?

Boobs are wonderful. Spectacular! Any pair is a winning hand.

But why do some women tarnish their funzookas with ink? Boob tattoos are tales as old as time, but they rarely (if ever) improve the look of the boob. Considering how much real estate women have on their bodies, is it absolutely necessary to graffiti all over assets #1 and 2?

Tattoos on a girl’s bosom is like the Joker ruining the museum in Batman I: There’s absolutely no logical explanation for it, but we’ve come to accept it because… well, he’s the joker (or, in this case… they are her boobs).

Arm tattoos and neck tattoos are one thing. Hell, even a tramp stamp isn’t as bad as a boob-tattoo.

The worse boob tattoo is the one that features her boyfriend’s name. Is that there so that her boyfriend remembers what his own name is as he’s looking at his ladies mojumbos?

Crazy Male Equivalent: Ball tattoos… Enough said.

Fake is a word invented by women. They’ve been passing it along, mother to daughter, for hundreds of years. Now, it’s pervaded all aspects of a woman’s life: home, work, play. They think that by biting the bullet and faking it, they’ve martyred themselves for some higher purpose. Well, that’s complete bullshit, and here are the Top 5 Ways Women Fake It.

#5: “Of Course They’re Real”
In the last hundred years, fake breasts have gone from a crazy Czech experiment to an American phenomenon, with everybody who’s anybody getting their mojumbos elevated and enlarged. But it’s no secret. The rest of the world can tell when a woman’s wearing a fake set of bouncehouses, so there’s really no use lying about it. It’s also worth noting that studies have shown that women with breast implants are way crazier than women without.

#4: “Oh yes! Oh yes! Ohhhzsjoiam!!!!!”

Look, if she’s not into it, she should just speak up.

#3: “Sure, I’d Love to Watch Terminator 4″
Women have it in their head that if they pretend to want to see a movie, it will somehow make the moviegoing experience more enjoyable. That’s not true. I’d rather not see a movie at all then have to hear a girl sigh, scoff, and snore in a movie theater. Guys don’t pretend to want to see Confessions of a Shopaholic, so women shouldn’t have to pretend to want to see Crank 2.

#2: “I’m On My Period”
This one defies the Geneva Convention of Sexual Protocol. If a woman invokes sexual parlée (”I’m on my period”), then all foreplay ceases immediately. There is no greater buzzkill than a reference to shark week, and girls know it. When they abuse this arrangement - when they invoke parlée without any actual period in sight - it’s just cruel. Again (see #4) if she doesn’t want to bone, she should just say so, instead of skirting around it with some bogus lie.

#1: “_____ Is My Best Friend in the Whole World”
If you go by a woman’s claims, she probably has two hundred best friends. A hundred thirty of those “best friends” are simultaneously sworn enemies. Doesn’t it get exhausting to keep track of all those frenemies? Every fake-friendship comes with its obligations - birthday parties and girls’ nights that she doesn’t want to go to, long phone calls and coffee dates that she doesn’t care about. Who needs the stress?

I’ve never been with a girl who had breast implants, but it’s on my bucket list. There is, however, a point of diminishing returns. I like big boobs as much as the next guy, but I don’t want leviathans. Let me put it this way: If boobs were Transformers, then I’d be happy with Optimus Prime, but under no circumstances could I handle Unicron.

Sheyla Hershey has enhanced her breasts to that planetary level. She’s had nine surgeries to enlarge her bojumbos to a bra size of 38-Triple-K. To circumvent Texas state law, which limits breast implants at 1,000 cubic centimeters per mammary, twenty-eight year old Sheyla returned to her native Brazil, where they have no such jug-limit. Sheyla now has over two liters of silicone in her breasts.

America’s Got Talent is a cesspool of mostly talentless people who would never make it onto any of the other “talent shows.” Busty Heart (aka Susan Sykes) is one of these people. Hailing from Boston, Busty received early recognition as an unofficial mascot for the Boston Celtics during their 80s run of NBA Championships.

Nowadays, she’s using her mammoth mammaries to break shit on America’s Got Talent. The video is highly disturbing. First, Busty smashes a bunch of soda cans. Then, she uses her boobs to karate chop through some boards. Next, she’ll be sent to Afghanistan to bust Al Qaeda up real good, Rambo-style.

Dear Girl with the Short Skirt and Low-Cut Top,

Don’t expect me not to look.

Don’t make it my fault for checking to see that your boobs are still held up by your ever-plunging neckline.

Don’t slap me or call me a pig for noticing the things that you are making so apparent to everyone (including me.)  Sure, it’s my dumb fault for getting caught doing it, but when you’re dressed like that, I can’t be the only one looking.

So I’m sorry. Sorry for getting caught, not really for looking. But in the future, it’s not my fault when you’re wearing that. So either expect it, don’t wear it, or don’t get mad.

(Sidenote, if you weigh more than 10 times your age, you shouldn’t be wearing tube tops, short skirts or anything like that. Stick to what works, unless your fashion role models appear daily on Jerry Springer)

Sincerely,

Jake, WBT

Sometimes I think that the only difference between Oprah and Tyra is the tenor of their craziness. In a recent show, Oprah went all ga-ga for Kate Winslet’s breasts, admiring them for being real and on display in The Reader. Now, if someone like Larry King did this, going on and on about how magnificent Kate’s mammaries are, then the womenfolk would be up in arms. But because the praise came from the Queen of the Soccer-Moms, no one seems to have a problem with it.

Update: The last video was taken down, so we replaced it. We’ll see how long this one lasts.

A quick reminder: If you’re in the L.A. area, Women Be Trippin invites you to our second annual breast cancer benefit, Breast Cancer Be Trippin, Too. Again, we’ll be enjoying fine dining (pizza, chicken, and mojos) at Shakey’s Pizza Parlor. Twenty-five percent of the dinner receipts will go toward providing mammograms for uninsured women.

Breast Cancer Be Trippin, Too
Tonight. Thursday, February 12th
6 - 9pm
6052 W. Olympic Blvd.
(Map to Shakey’s)

If you’re planning on coming, bring any spare change you’ve got lying around. Or bring a spare car. We take those, too.

If you can’t make it to Breast Cancer Be Trippin, Too this year, we urge you to make your own private donation to the American Breast Cancer Foundation.