Dating coach Kira Sabin hosts Your Weekly Dating Makeover, a weekly internet radio show to help women in the dating scene. Along with her co-host Richard, Kira invited Eddie from Women Be Trippin onto this week’s show.

On the show, Eddie discusses the site, “the exceptions to the rule,” ugly friends, meeting guys at bars, wish fulfillment, the ultimate girl-on-girl insults, man-competition, a $3.7 million virginity price tag, I Remember Andrea, hiding from ex-boyfriends, internet stalking (aka lazy stalking), the lemonade diet, and the brazilian wax.

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days. They only lasted seven.

Jake:

Today was better than expected. I have noticed my sense of smell getting a lot more sharp - I’m noticing food from across the office and noticing that my shits smell like hot rotten fish and sulfur. I’m completely repulsed by the lemonade at this point.

No more smelling jars of peanut butter and walking past the kitchen at lunchtime, or watching the Food Network just to get my fix of “real” food. No more feeling like an outsider and depriving myself of a basic human need. No more sympathy and pity from coworkers who ask to go to lunch and then say “Oops! Sorry, I forgot. You can’t go.” No more having to shit every 10 minutes, and shitting mucus-y Rorschach inkblots. My body hates me and I hate this cleanse.

Ladies, it’s not worth it. The weight I’ve lost is unhealthy and temporary. It’s torture. Food is normal. Just eat healther. Exercise. Don’t be lazy. This is not a solution, it’s effing crazy and I don’t recommend it for anyone.

Eddie:

Again, today went by pretty easily. I was more annoyed by the fact that I had to wake up early than by the fact that I haven’t eaten in a week. We’re stopping the diet today because Jake is totally bitching out (and thus paying me $10). Here’s my list of the top 6 foods I can’t wait to eat:

1. Beef tacos on corn tortillas. Hold the cilantro, extra salsa.
2. Pepperoni and mushroom pizza, from Vito’s or Shakey’s.
3. Milanesa.
4. Double-double, animal-style, no pickles.
5. Club sandwich with Ranch dressing.
6. Healthy stuff.

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

Holy fucking crap. This sucks. Today was the worst day ever. I woke up so incredibly tired. My mouth still has a weird taste in it, and my tongue is white - all supposedly normal as my body tries to expel waste. I’m so ready for food. I need food. I’m dying here. I have a low but constant desire all day to throw up. I’m cold all the time. Only shat once today and I was one step away from not making it. Basically, it feels like I’m dying. Slowly. My eyes are all glazed over and I had to take a nap when I got home from work. I feel weak and tired and could guess that in 6 days I’ve probably lost at least 8 pounds.

Friday is a long ways away. I think a week is enough for me. I’m done tomorrow. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

Eddie:

Despite yesterday’s unexpected poop-debacle, today’s been the best day yet. I’ve had hardly any hunger discomfort, I feel super-energized, and my mood has been the best it’s been since I started this diet. For the first time, I don’t think it would be difficult to finish it.

That being said, I had the weirdest food craving today. While I was stashing my jug of lemonade in the fridge, I noticed that my roommate had a bucket of leftovers from KFC. Mind you, I hate chicken, and I probably haven’t eaten fried chicken in eight years. But none of that mattered as I peeled back the lid to see how many pieces there were. Seven.

But I left them untouched. I’m gonna finish this diet right.

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

This was by far the hardest day. I tried to keep busy, but temptation seemed to be at its worse.

Physically, I feel fine. I have a lot of energy, and I’m still not starving. I think what we’re doing is torturing ourselves. Our kidneys and livers were meant to filter out bad stuff. Our intestines were meant to be filled with shit. So the idea that I have to deny myself food so that I can clean my kidneys and liver, and cleanse my intestines is ridiculous. I shat today for the first real time on the diet and it was nasty. If you imagine cleaning out the dusty, dirty corners of your body, that’s what it was. It seemed like all the toxins and old shit stuck in my body.

I’m also slowing down my intake of the lemonade. I have my saltwater in the morning and then don’t drink the lemonade until about 2 or 3. I’m just sort of repulsed by it and bored of it. I’m ready for food. This is fucking stupid.

Eddie:

I hate this diet.

(See 0:43 of the video above if you’re wondering why.)

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

I had some saltwater mix this morning, but again, to no avail. Maybe I’m mixing it wrong, but it just doesn’t seem to be doing the trick of “cleansing” my organs. I didn’t start drinking the lemonade until like 2 or 3pm. It’s weird, though, because I didn’t get cranky or starving or desperate like I may have, had I not been doing this master cleanse.

To me, here’s where women be trippin. It’s the extreme nature of this cleanse as a way to trick your body. What I’m doing is so unhealthy and unnatural - not eating - yet, my body doesn’t need food. The newfound intense need for food will soon take over and I can see how girls who do this will gain all the weight back in a few days.

Eddie:

I’ve been pacing myself through the day’s lemonade pretty well, and I’ve been avoiding people (and thus avoiding arguments). I talked to a friend of mine who made it all the way through the diet, and that helped give me courage for the fray.

I started to look at myself in the mirror today, and I feel thinner. Several people have told me that I look thinner. It could just be my posture, but it’s gotten to my head. I’m starting to get so used to the way I look now, I’ve almost forgotten the hefty-hefty I left behind.

I’ve been secretly making a list of foods I’m dying to eat. I wouldn’t be surprised if, in two weeks, I’m actually heavier than when I started this whole mess (if I’m not in the hospital by then).

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

Nearly 3 days down and I’m doing just fine. I tried that saltwater cleanse this morning - a liter of heavily salted warm water (over 4 cups) that you’re supposed to chug. It’s supposed to run through your body in less than an hour, but still, no poop. I’m getting worried that I’m backing my system up.

As for mood, I have a lot of energy and pretty peppy for the most part. I was at a lunch meeting where they served the most beautiful barbecued chicken, vegetables, corn on the cob and fresh salad. I felt like an idiot staring at people cut chicken off the bone and lick dripping butter off their hands as they typewriter-chomped their corn.

I can’t focus on anything for more than 5 minutes. I feel like a 2 year old (minus the pooping in my pants).

Eddie:  

Tea worked like a charm!

Yesterday, I experienced a lemonade deficit around 9pm, which led to a particular crankiness that lasted through the night. To make up for cranking through the lemonhate so quickly yesterday, I tried to pace myself better today. In retrospect, that’s like putting out a fire by bulldozing your house into a lake.

This diet has turned me into a full blown crazy person (aka a woman).

At one point, I asked Sarah (my lady) to go get me food. Thankfully, she refused.

Also, why does the whole damn city of L.A. smell like a barbecue?

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

It sounds strange, but I feel great. I had normal hunger pains throughout the day, but I’d describe them more as itches. The scratching was done with a much better-mixed lemonade. Way less cayenne pepper and just a little less syrup made for a sweet, more lemony drink without so much of the nauseating kick at the end.

I had a lot of great energy today, had a great workout in the morning, finished the gallon of lemonade early (by 7:30pm). I’m just having a glass of tea now and feel about ready for bed. No shitting yet, but I’m going to start the saltwater drink tomorrow morning. We’ll see how long I’ll last then…

Eddie:

If yesterday felt like the feeling of hunger you get around 4:30 in the afternoon, then today felt like 5:30 - all day. The pain increased a little. I was much quicker to get annoyed, but it wasn’t unbearable.

Starting to get a little alarmed about basic body functions, so I had a laxative tea. We’ll see how that goes. Pretty soon, I might have to switch to salt water. The laxative tea is cinnamon-flavored, and the taste of something beside my lemon-cocktail elated me. It felt undescribably good to just have flavor in my mouth right now.

This morning, I went a few hours without a glass of lemonhate, and I was ready to rip the head off of a puppy before I made it back home in time to down some much-needed calories. I don’t feel any more energized than normal. I really don’t understand why anybody would gladly volunteer for this regimen. I can’t wait to have a taco again. Any kind of taco will do. I don’t want to go into too much detail, because it’ll just depress me.

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

I’m about 20 hours into the lemonade cleanse. I was actually cool with it through lunchtime, and through what usually is my afternoon snacktime.

But as dinnertime approaches, a weird thing is happening to my body. I’m looking at the 1/4 gallon that’s left of my daily gallon and each cup-full makes me gag just a little. It reminds me of the feeling of eating cottage cheese. The first few bites are delicious. It’s refreshing and creamy and salty and great. But after a short while, I start reminding myself that this is chunky, old milk. And suddenly, the texture and flavor don’t seem as delicious. I’ll finish it, but not without getting in my head about how gross this actually is.

So, with 20 hours down, I’ve only peed 5 times today. No poos. I expected more, but maybe that will change tomorrow. I’ve been going in and out of being just sort of in a tired stupor to being really lucid. It’s not unlike being drunk. There are times where I’m in a great mood and feel loopy and silly. I want to go and talk to people and I feel great. Actually, it’s a lot like being drunk… vomiting may seal the deal.

Eddie:

I started the Lemonade Diet at 9:20 last night, so today is my first full day on the diet. Last night, as I caught up on some TV, it seemed like every goddamn commercial was for a restaurant. Has Tuesday night become FoodNight on TV?

To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.