To better understand women’s fascinations with dieting, Jake and Eddie went on The Lemonade Diet (The Master Cleanse) for ten days.

Jake:

It sounds strange, but I feel great. I had normal hunger pains throughout the day, but I’d describe them more as itches. The scratching was done with a much better-mixed lemonade. Way less cayenne pepper and just a little less syrup made for a sweet, more lemony drink without so much of the nauseating kick at the end.

I had a lot of great energy today, had a great workout in the morning, finished the gallon of lemonade early (by 7:30pm). I’m just having a glass of tea now and feel about ready for bed. No shitting yet, but I’m going to start the saltwater drink tomorrow morning. We’ll see how long I’ll last then…

Eddie:

If yesterday felt like the feeling of hunger you get around 4:30 in the afternoon, then today felt like 5:30 - all day. The pain increased a little. I was much quicker to get annoyed, but it wasn’t unbearable.

Starting to get a little alarmed about basic body functions, so I had a laxative tea. We’ll see how that goes. Pretty soon, I might have to switch to salt water. The laxative tea is cinnamon-flavored, and the taste of something beside my lemon-cocktail elated me. It felt undescribably good to just have flavor in my mouth right now.

This morning, I went a few hours without a glass of lemonhate, and I was ready to rip the head off of a puppy before I made it back home in time to down some much-needed calories. I don’t feel any more energized than normal. I really don’t understand why anybody would gladly volunteer for this regimen. I can’t wait to have a taco again. Any kind of taco will do. I don’t want to go into too much detail, because it’ll just depress me.