My girlfriend got a haircut recently. When she came over, she asked right away, “What do you think of my hair?” Here are the Top 5 Worst Things I Could’ve Said:

5) What haircut?
Ladies want their manes noticed, so by totally ignoring her re-styling, you’re telling her that you hate it. Anticipated reaction: She’ll cry.

4) It looks fine.
Fine is totally not fine. Fine is an unwanted present at Christmas, not a fifty dollar haircut. Anticipated reaction: She won’t speak to you for an hour.

3) Can you get your money back?
Women spend serious cash on their coif, and they sure as hell don’t want to be told that it was worthless. Anticipated reaction: She’ll call her BFF over - the one with absolutely no cosmetological experience - and they’ll spend two hours in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and a bottle of wine. For the result, see #1.

2) Well, it’ll grow back eventually.
This is like telling her that she gets an A for effort in bed. Anticipated reaction: Nothing… until three months from now when she brings this up in the middle of an otherwise innocuous argument.

1) You look like a beautiful lesbian.
Your girlfriend is obviously not a lesbian, nor does she purposely want to resemble Rosie O’Donnell. Anticipated reaction: She’ll shave her head to spite you.

Tip for Guys: When she asks the dreaded haircut question, pack your bags and disappear for a few weeks. After the dust has settled, return with caution.